Comment (July/August 2009)
Bishop’s Letter with Bishop Martin
What makes for a good childhood ?
I am writing this letter during the Church of England Children’s Society Coffee Morning at Bishop’s House with the question “What makes for a good childhood?” very much in mind.
This question was the starting point for a study by the Children’s Society which challenges us all to consider our values, our priorities and our lifestyles for the development of our children.
So what makes for a good childhood in 21st Century Britain? How can we create the conditions for children to flourish? How can the wonderful potential which children possess be better realised?
Some 30,000 people gave evidence to the enquiry and among them 10,000 children from all walks of life. This report merits attention because, above all, it gives a voice to the hopes, the concerns and the longings of these children.
It is love that children and young people see as the most fundamental requirement for a good life. Our children are clear that the foundations for a good childhood are rooted in good relationships with their parents and other significant adults.
But the problem is that our society seems to have become tone deaf to this most basic requirement of children. Words like ‘love’ ‘happiness’ and ‘stability’ have become eroded. And the cause of this erosion is what the report calls excessive individualism – the belief that the prime purpose of the individual is to make the most of their own life rather than contribute to the good of others. The report highlights the erosion of trust in our society, a declining sense of collective moral values and a decline in a sense of community. Hardly surprising then that the number of children experiencing emotional or behavioural difficulties is rising, but at the same time only a quarter of the children who have mental health difficulties receive any specialist help.
Increased exposure to television and the internet increases materialistic attitudes at a time when our society is more unequal. Almost one quarter of all the children growing up in Newcastle today are living in relative poverty.
One finding of the report which has resulted in some controversy is that children with step parents or single parents are more likely to suffer short-term problems with self esteem, depression and anxiety. But read properly this report is not a condemnation of single mothers. In fact the report recognises that where there are high levels of conflict at home, it may be in the best interests of the child for a separation to take place. Again, not all single parent households are the result of separation. The critical factor is how we support families who get into difficulties. That is why family counselling and support services need to be much more available.
The report points to some of the hard truths about the rapid change in employment patterns over the last 25 years and the difficulties these can raise for some of our children. It has much to say about its central thesis that a society for whom the acquisition of wealth, property and personal status has become the primary focus, has led to damaged childhoods, damaged relationships and communities, anxiety and stress for children in our over-competitive educational system.
Listen to some modern verses.
“If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn
If a child lives with hostility he learns to fight
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.”
If this report contributes to the discovery of love for our children it will have made a worthy contribution to the kind of society we all wish to build.
For it was Jesus who believed that all children were precious, of infinite value and worth as children of God, and committed to us in sacred trust. “Truly I tell you, whoever does not accept the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.”